Let’s Not be Friends – Why You Shouldn’t be Friends with Your Employees.

Here are the issues:

·         You’ll naturally become closer friends with some people, and others will think you play favorites. When you promote people you’re friends with how will the rest of the company view that promotion and how will that impact your team’s culture and the person who was promoted? Even if the promotion is well deserved, other employees are
unlikely to view it that way. You’ll be perceived as a manager who plays favorites. And, realistically, it’s probably hard not to at least subconsciously favor your friends.

·         Your friends treat you differently than your employees. You don’t want your employees to necessarily treat you or company rules as casually as a friend would.

·         Your employees might find it easier not to be friends with you. Let’s say you have an employee who works hard and doesn’t have enough time for their family or friends. Do they want you as a friend? Probably not. But, will they want to be among the employees who aren’t friends with the boss.

·         It’s not scalable and people will feel left out. It was easy for me to be friends with everyone when we had 25 employees. Much more difficult when we had over 150. Plus, what about the great employees who just aren’t the types of people you’d have as your friends? They’ll feel like everyone else is favored.

·         Friends are equals. You’ll make decisions that determine who gets specific assignments, compensation and other things that are critically important to your employees’ future. That doesn’t make you equals, and it creates a lot of complications for a friendship.

·         If it comes down to it, do you layoff your friend or someone who is more qualified but not your friend? How do you tell a friend they’re doing a bad job? And, what do these situations do to your friendship and your ability to make smart business decisions.

·         Friends talk about work with each other. The last thing you want to do is be involved in office gossip. If you’re friends with an employee and that employee complains about work, what do you do with that information? If you do nothing, you’re basically agreeing with what they say (even if it’s badmouthing another employee). But, they probably don’t want someone who will push back or force them to address the problem.

You do lose something:

·         Some of my closest friends are former employees. I missed out on that for years, but I think that was the right decision.

·         This is hard. It’s natural to build friendships when you work closely with people for so long. I did in a few cases. I’m glad I did, but in hindsight, I can see that it wasn’t the best approach for the business.

It’s about what your employees want:

·         They want a leader who is fair, gives them opportunities, helps them with their career and appreciates their hard work. They want to know their success and opportunities are based on merit and not relationships they may not have with you outside of work.

·         They want someone who is interested and cares about their life outside of work. Someone who wants them to succeed. But, I don’t think they want another best friend, and if they do, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be that friend.

 

What Are the Dangers of Being Too Friendly to Employees?

Some managers cultivate friendly relationships with their subordinates because they believe that employees will work harder for someone they like. While this may be true in many cases, being too friendly with employees can lead to many issues. If you are a small business owner, you need to be aware of the potential dangers that may occur if you or your members on your management team have personal relationships with employees that hinder professional goals.

Overworked Manager

Some managers are people-pleasers and want their employees to like them at all costs. Some employees use this to their advantage to neglect their actual work responsibilities. Rather than risk "being mean" to these employees, managers may take on their subordinates' tasks, as well as their own. This can lead to overworked managers who become burnt out. It's very important that managers learn how to delegate responsibilities to employees, as well as hold them accountable for their work. When this doesn't occur, not only may the manager become overworked, but employees are not able to progress and become better workers.

Mediocrity Flourishes

When managers are fearful of upsetting their subordinates' feelings, because they are friends with them, mediocrity may flourish in the workplace. Many employees need to be motivated to go above and beyond to meet and exceed work expectations. When they feel too comfortable, or try to use their personal relationship with the boss as a crutch, they may lose the desire to give 100 percent. These types of employees may think that they'll get the raise or bonus because the boss likes them, rather than feeling that they have to earn it with hard work.

Problems Fester

Problems, such as interpersonal conflicts or lack of productivity, are often allowed to fester when the manager is too friendly with employees. The people-pleaser manager doesn't want to risk upsetting his work friends or losing his invitation to happy hour, so he doesn't reprimand employees when they break the rules or don't follow set procedures. This may lead to other employees becoming resentful or unmotivated to follow the rules. Small issues can get out of control quickly in this type of scenario as well.

Loss of Respect

Respect for the manager, whether or not he is liked, is often the key to a successful boss-subordinate relationship. When the boss is more concerned about his personal relationships with employees, rather than his professional role and responsibilities, staff and other management team members may lose respect for him. If this occurs, then they do not obey directives or want to learn from him.